Good Evening. My name is Simon Kornblith. I am here today to enlighten you with an experience I will simply call "Austin." Once upon an evening ago, I was sitting by my lonely self in the school I attend, watching the play. The Play, Fiddler on the Roof, was about Jews! They are my favorite people, since I am named Simon, and I rather enjoyed it. But what made it better, was half an hour into the movie. This fellow arrived. He went by the name "Austin," a name I would learn to admire and adore for ages to come.
Even the very first time I laid eyes on him, I thought to myself, "This kid is too good to be true!" But he was that hot, and MORE, I would later find out. I can remember his first charming words like it was just yesterday. "Hi," he said. "I'm Austin." That he was! That he was, and so much more.
The play itself was excellent by my standards. The acting was top-notch, the backgrounds were of deliciously fantastic detail, and the songs were so unbelievably good. It touched me to hear my native theme song, "Mozoltov." Fantastic Austin also quite liked it, of which I am glad, for he kept singing the refrain during random parts of the play later, increasing its quality at least 442 percent.
Sadly, the play eventually ended. While I stood up and applauded as I most frequently do to many things, I was also in a way, clapping for Austin and his greatness. What a good human being, if not the best I ever knew. I departed, desperately wanting him to hug me, but alas, all I got was a handshake. But what can you expect from such an outstanding individual? I will miss him and the witty comments he made during the entire drama, and the only thing keeping me living is the hope that one day, I will see him again.
-Simon, the True Author Of this blog
It has come to my attention that the articles keep getting kicked off the main page when some guy selling penis enlargements comes along and tries to post ads in the comments, which I promptly delete.
I'd like to thank this man for his concern, but I can assure him that my penis is already a comfortable size, and I am not in need of his products. Perhaps he should look inward. Or rather, downward. Whichever one.
Oh yeah, and by accessing this website you agree that you won't post ads for penis enlargement, pornography, illegal prescriptions, endangered animals, mutilated ostriches, etc. If you do, I'm gonna sue you for a sum between $100 and $1000. So fuck you.
Yeah, Austin actually listened to this piece of shit. It's 4 CDs, and you'e supposed to put them in 4 different CD players and press play at exactly the same time on all of them. As the perhaps-slightly-unfair Pitchfork review puts it, "Here's the reality: Do I wanna buy three more CD players with which to enjoy Zaireeka or, say, eat?" It's probably a good CD, but regardless, why the hell can't they do with 2 channels? If I want surround, I can put it in my surround system, goddamnit.
Anyway, the Frenchies are here, and I should be working on my paper instead of writing this blog entry, but I told Austin I would do it sometime, so here it is.
Don't you love that title? This is what happens when you don't know what to write about before you start writing. This site makes me nervous, because I have no privacy. There are so many things I'd put up here, except that everyone who knows me would read them...I don't know what to do.
Anyway, last night was Passover, which was kinda boring. I don't really get the Jewish holiday thing. I don't really believe in God, and if I did, I wouldn't think that celebrating or not remembering something that may or may not have happened on that date a few millenia would be that important. Why is the escape of "the chosen people" so important? Will God smite me if I don't go to Sedar when I'm in college? If you see Him, ask Him for me, will ya?
Before I left, I set my computer to download the first five episodes of Clone High and Unreal Tournament 2004. UT2004 could take a while (around 10 days, goddamnit...), but by the end of today I hope to have every episode of Clone High ever aired. Then everyone can beg me for them until I finally give in and burn them onto a CD.
Today was the first day of school. It was quite boring, but as far as I know I'm still alive, which I suppose is good. I got to see the people who weren't on the French Exchange with me, which was also good. I learned some things that really don't involve me that I now wish I never knew, but I promised not to tell anyone, and even though I feel that the person involved deserves to know and that it makes little difference now, I'll keep my word. I'd want (but not necessarily expect) other people to do the same for me, so it's only fair.